So, you want to join a Chaos cult. You’re tired of those long hours toiling thanklessly under the iron heel of the Imperium, sick of picking toenails out of your measly corpse starch rations, bored of reciting the same old prayers to the Emperor every day, and now you’ve heard the good word of the Dark Gods.
The followers of Chaos are a cheerful bunch who will welcome you with open arms (and other unnameable appendages). But just what is life in a Chaos cult really like? Is it possible to progress from a gun-toting grunt to the leader of your own Dark Commune? And what steps can you take to avoid ending up as an Accursed Mutant – or worse, a Torment? Join us as we don our dustiest robes and go undercover.
Joining a cult is surprisingly easy. There’s plenty of introductory literature available, whether you’re toiling in the open fields of an agri world or harbouring treasonous thoughts in an Astra Militarum trench. Of course, you might not be able to read those helpful pamphlets or eye-searing eldritch runes. In that case, just keep an ear out for ominous chanting, and steer clear from anyone invoking the name of the Emperor – or the Four-armed Emperor. That’s the wrong kind of cult.*
Once you’ve hooked up with your new crew at the hidden altar, make sure to find the cult’s quartermaster. You’ll want to pick up your regulation robe, firearm,** and creepy daemonic mask. Melee weapons are not provided, so you’ll have to improvise – grab whatever’s lying around. Now it’s time to make some friends and influence people.
Progression through a cult is contingent on many factors, so make sure to do your research. Is your cult sponsored by a Legion with a particular dress code? You probably won’t end up ever actually meeting a Heretic Astartes – they’re not great company anyway – but you should always dress for the job you want. You might need to don hazard stripes, wear flayed skin, or cover yourself in pages of incomprehensible text – we recommend recycling old lifestyle magazines.
Is your cult sworn to a specific Chaos God? If your leaders drink blood out of skulls,*** you're probably a Khorne worshipper – practice your shouting voice, avoid eye contact, and take regular baths in blood (human is encouraged). If they're friendly but have a bit of a pong, you're in with Nurgle fanboys – forget that previous advice about the bloodbaths. In fact, avoid baths of any kind.
Survive a few raids and make some enthusiastic contributions to the cult’s bring-and-buy sales, and you’ll find yourself promoted to Cultist Champion. Your followers will look up to you, so make sure you give them a good show. Pro tip – try to hold that objective you’ve been parked on for five full turns without succumbing to existential dread and scarpering the moment you come under fire.
Emerge triumphant – or at least, not dead – and you’ll soon be bumped up to the ranks of the Dark Commune. Not as a Cult Demagogue, obviously, but perhaps a trusted Iconarch or Blessed Blade. From here, progression is simple – adapt to your new responsibilities, be dynamic and forward-thinking, and obey the helpful whispers that haunt your dreams. You are strong. You are worthy. Take your leader’s head.
Now you’re the Demagogue!
We won’t lie to you – there are plenty of pitfalls to be aware of on your journey to the top of this esoteric pyramid of power. There’s the Inquisition, the demand for human sacrifice, and the attentions of your own capricious patrons. Whatever you do, do not volunteer yourself for dark rituals or forbidden experiments.
And while your cult may value the services of an unsanctioned psyker, try to avoid being stuck carrying a Mindwitch’s severed head around. Not only is it unsanitary, it’s downright perilous. In fact, should you hear the muttering of a daemon in your ears, it’s best to enact preventative measures immediately – lob your cranial passenger as far away as possible before your flesh erupts.****
If you want to add some ambitious go-getters to your army, the new Cultists are available to pre-order this weekend, along with the Dark Commune. The transformative power of Chaos takes time to work its artistry on flesh, so the Accursed Cultists will be a little while longer.
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* Only your grandchildren are getting extra arms with those guys.
** We’ve got scavenged stub guns, off-brand autopistols, recycled revolvers, battered bolt pistols...
*** This is trickier than it sounds – we recommend investing in a mop.
**** It’s much harder to go about your daily business when you’ve got claws for hands or a body made of tentacles.