Few creatures are held in such high esteem by grots as the humble squig. They defy reason – orblike bundles of teeth with stomachs that continue to confound top zoologists. How do they eat so much? Where does it all go? How do they bounce so high? Do they have any non-gastric organs at all?
Thankfully, the Squigboss knows it all. This expert grot’s acute understanding of squiggly physiology is unparalleled, and he’s agreed to help us catalogue some of many squigs of the Mortal Realms.
The spherical squigs you all know and love are cave squigs. These rotund and often-ruddy beasts are found in dank caverns and creepy hollows all across the realms, and range from pint-sized squiglets to massive monsters. Smaller varieties include the tiny squigs carrying Skragrott’s cloak, or the critters employed as ammo by the Looncourt’s squigapult. Further up the food chain you’ll find Giant Cave Squigs, ideal mounts for the most unhinged of Loonbosses.
Squigboss: “Them’s yer regular squigs. Give ‘em a prod or make a racket to send ‘em inna right direction, and you’ve got yourself a Squig Herd. They’ll bounce okay an’ chomp real good. If you really wanna get some lift, feed ‘em my special brew. Dat’ll bloat ‘em up like a sky-stunty balloon for your Squig Hoppers! It’ll make ‘em real gas-grumpy, too, but anyone riding a squig weren’t gonna live long anyway.”
Cave squigs come in all shapes and sizes, and certain breeds have evolved – or devolved – to suit specific ecological niches in their nocturnal environment. Squigs with particularly oversized olfactory organs are known as snufflesquigs, employed by their Snuffler masters to detect special strains of intoxicating fungus.
Squigboss: “Er, dem’s sure some big words. Anyway, a snufflesquig’s got the biggest schnozz you’ll ever see. I love ‘em. Less teef, less trouble, and they always sniffs out da mushrooms I need to control da bigger squigs. Rule one – keep yer squigs fed! They love a snack, so when a git jumps on for a ride, they gets well excited – one wrong bounce and gulp! Dinnertime! It’s why da Boingrot gitz wear all dat shiny armour.”
A cave squig that grows to a truly tremendous size becomes a living, drooling wrecking ball. Tie two of these toothy titans together, and their conjoined aggression results in something far nastier than the sum of its parts – Mangler Squigs. Only a few grots are brave and stupid enough to leash these beasts, but pandemonium always ensues.
Squigboss: “Squigs don’t like chains, an’ they don’t like uvver squigs. If yer dumb enuff to chain a squig to anuvver squig… you gets what you gets. Climb aboard, and I reckon you’re denser than loonstone. Still, sometimes a Loonboss has me train up some Manglers for ‘imself – and when he gets et, it puts me in da good books of everyone else wiv eyes on da bossjob.”
Not every squig is round or even bouncy – this peculiarly adaptable species takes on many other forms. From winged bat-squigs to camouflaged stalagsquigs, unfortunate scholars discover new aberrations every day in the Era of the Beast. The porous spore squig may be an atavistic variety harking back to the species’ fungal origins, tamed by the most egregious Moonclan shroom addicts as equal parts smokescreen and stimulant.
Squigboss: “I reckon it’s da power of da Bad Moon. I’ve seen squigs like you wouldn’t believe, ones that’d make yer toes curl up an’ your nose drop off! Gotsprik went down deep to snuffle me up shrooms once, and came back gabblin’ about a squig so big, it could eat all Ghur up in one gulp! …mighta been the shrooms, tho’.”
You can find out even more about all the varieties of squiggly beasts in Battletome: Gloomspite Gitz, which is available to pre-order from tomorrow, the 28th of January.
Squigboss: “You’ll be able to pre-wotever me tomorrow! Me an’ my favourite gnasha-squig is da star of any Gloomspite Gitz mob – if I may ‘umbly say so.”