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There is Probably Not an Imminent Tyranid Invasion – Don’t Panic, Keep Calm, and Be Vigilant

Hail citizen! Welcome to your regular Ministorum-sanctioned news bulletin. Remember, the Emperor protects so we don’t have to!

Local Enforcer precincts have informed us of a recent increase in public concern and dissent following the entirely planned shutdown of all astropathic communication to and from our planet. Please continue to ignore any and all malicious or seditious rumours circulating that nearby systems may have come under attack by some kind of xenos

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Even though it is any loyal Imperial citizen’s right and duty to die heroically in the Emperor’s name while facing His enemies, please take heed that any discussion of impending invasion by an extragalactic menace will be considered treasonous and met with summary judgement by Enforcers/Arbites/Priests/work supervisors (delete as applicable).

In unrelated news, a compulsory draft of all service-aged citizens will begin this week.

Check Your Neighbours! Know the Signs!

To be forewarned is to be forearmed. At this time, you should regard your neighbours with suspicion. How many arms do they have, and is the answer “more than two”? How’s their hairline? Are those purple blotches hereditary, a chemical rash, or something more sinister? Have they attempted to hand you pamphlets filled with slander about your beloved planetary governor?

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Whatever your observations, you should be both suspicious and alarmed. Inform your local Adeptus Arbites precinct immediately!

Do Your Part and Join the Militia Today!

Have you ever considered a career in the

Astra Militarum

? The pay is acceptable, and your name will go down in history as one of the many, many heroes of the Imperium. Opportunities for martyrdom may be just around the corner! 

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Even if you can’t make it in the Imperial Guard, your local Planetary Defence Force is always recruiting full-time soldiers, with free corpse disposal! Sign on with the militia before conscription and you will get the first pick of the finest standard-issue wargear. No previous weapons experience needed. 

Updated guidance

In the extremely unlikely event that a xenos invasion does occur, note that official Ordos-approved guidance on military response may have changed for your area. Please see the attached infographic explaining the correct protocols.

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Stay tuned to this network for further updates on how everything is fine and why there is no need to fear imminent destruction.