Jim: Hello, sports fans! Jim Johnson and Bob Bifford here, joining you once more to talk about everybody’s favourite ultra-violent sport, Blood Bowl.
Bob: That’s right, Jim, it’s all about the brutiful game at the moment.
Jim: “Brutiful”? I don’t think that’s a word, Bob.
Bob: Sure it is. It’s “brutal” and “beautiful” smerged together.
Jim: “Smerged” isn’t a word, either.
Bob: You’re no fun, Jim. Anyway, today we’re looking at team colours and the rules of the game.
Jim: Funnily enough, both things you’ve never been particularly good at observing, Bob.
Bob: That’s true, which is why we brought in experts for both.
Jim: Quite so! With just days before Blood Bowl’s new season begins, and coaches everywhere feverish with anticipation–
Bob: To be fair, that fever might just be because they got too close to Nurgle’s Rotters.
Jim: First up, we have some of the best team uniform designers in the Old World to talk you through how to kit out your Imperial Nobles and Black Orc teams in the colours of the Bogenhafen Barons and Thunder Valley Greenskins.
Bob: Yeah, you can find out how to get them ready for a game, and how to take them even further and make them look all shiny for press events and Cabalvision interviews.
Jim: It is so important to look good these days, with Cabalvision being broadcast in High Destiny.
Bob: Is it? Er, moving on. There’s also a guide to how referees get their traditional jerseys looking so pristine in black and white.
Jim: It’s such a wasted effort. They’re always splattered with mud and blood by the end of the first drive.
Bob: If they’re lucky, yeah.
Jim: You can view all these fantastic tutorials at your leisure, thanks to the magic of Cabalvision On Demand.
Bob: Once your teams look the part, you’ll want to get them on the field. With the official rules of the game changing this season, all coaches – from raw rookies to well-roasted veterans – can benefit from an exhaustive series of tutorials.
Jim: That’s right, Bob, and I’m contractually obliged to state that we are not only promoting these Learn to Play videos because we introduce them.
Bob: We do?
Jim: We do, with our colleague Alyssa Avalos providing a pitchside view of the action and going through the nitty-gritty of the game’s rules, so you don’t have to hit the books.
Bob: You’ll learn all the basics, from set-up and the pre-match sequence to how to get your players dealing those all-important blocks.
Jim: I think you meant “scoring those all-important touchdowns”, Bob.
Bob: Nope.
Jim: Sigh. After watching these videos, you’ll be ready to jump into your first games of Blood Bowl – so what are you waiting for?
Bob: Remember that if you’ve not signed up for the new season yet, it’s not too late – you can pre-order the Blood Bowl Second Season Edition now. It’s the perfect way to get started.