Congratulations, employee. For your efficient work in providing possible (albeit frequently incorrect) explanations for last week’s image, you are hereby granted the rank of Assistant Sub-Adept. Continue to serve the Office well.
Additionally, if you have any information regarding prior contact with the so-called ‘Rumour Engine’, be sure to include it in today’s report as a matter of urgency.
Direct your analysis to Facebook or Twitter, where our significantly more capable Adepts can comb your conjecture for grains of truth. Remember – eldritch works of predictive technology are not to be trusted.