The Grand Justice of New Summercourt comes to pre-order this weekend, along with the rest of his cannibal kin. Gormayne is a proud scholar and legal mastermind with an untarnished record of fair and equitable judgements, and only a minor habit of flinching whenever he glances in a mirror.
In a real coup for Warhammer Community, this esteemed personage has agreed to assist hard-working tournament judges around the world by attending to some of the complex disputes that arise in games of Warhammer Age of Sigmar. Remember, these rulings are absolutely fair,* completely binding,* and will be included in future FAQs!*
Honourable Judge Gormayne,
My opponent insists that his Ironweld Great Cannon is able to target my Troggoth King, even though I very carefully tucked Trugg behind a Loonshrine, out of sight. Now, yes, it's true that the tip of his club is poking out from behind a corner of the moon, but I hardly think that a cannonball to the snailshell would inflict D3+2 damage on my grumpy liege! How do you rule?
– Tried and True Line of Sight
Verily, ‘tis fortunate that you have brought this matter to the court, for questions of visibility have, throughout the ages, spoiled long-held bonds into bitter poison. Can keen-eyed archers loose their arrows at a proudly fluttering banner? Does the tip of a spear expose an entire regiment to a gout of dragonfire? Should even the noblest commander really be standing so cocksure atop a prominent boulder?
I thus proclaim my judgement, and so preserve your friendship – cut the Troggoth King in half. Now he is definitely no longer visible, and I will eat the other half.
Oh wise Grand Justice,
I’ve been accused of cheating! My opponent says I’m using weighted dice, to ensure that I roll an endless stream of 6s for my Auralan Wardens. Sure, I’ve been on a bit of a hot streak, but I swear I never meant any harm – I received these dice from a helpful and trustworthy-looking stranger, I had no idea they might be loaded! Am I going to be disqualified? It’s only my first offence…
– Mortally Wounded Reputation
Order! Order! This court does not operate on hearsay and rumour! A simple test for loaded dice is to drop them in saltwater, and see whether the same number floats to the top each time. ‘Tis similar to the practice of dunking witches, and draws upon the same well-established principles of natural philosophy, for cheating is a form of witchcraft.
Should thou prove guilty, the consequence for swindlers who employ prestidigitation** in games of chance is laid out in the Ancient Laws – amputation of the fraudulent fingers. Yet your pleas of ignorance touch this court deeply. After long consideration, we may elect to commute your sentence – the Royal Decapitator shall use their smallest axe to remove only one hand.
Pay heed! Not only shall our judgement stand as a warning to all who trespass against the fairness of the Summerking’s gaming parlours, but it shall also compensate you with five fresh knucklebones with which to carve new dice. Your tears of gratitude are appreciated, but unnecessary.
Most esteemed magistrate,
My opponent just set up a charge against my Arkanaut Frigate. I reminded him that I had a whole squad of Grundstok Thunderers on board, so the Unleash Hell command would really chew him up, but he went for it anyway. Then, after I issued the command, he told me that his Mournfang Pack can only be wounded on 6s by Unleash Hell attacks. This isn’t fair, right? He should have warned me first.
– Backsies and Bylaws
The laws of war are complex and many-faceted, so much so that even I must keep a tome of legal minutiae on my person to refresh my memory. It is always good practice to avoid confusion and clarify the intent of your manoeuvring, rather than entrapping rivals by invoking obscure rules ex post facto.
Thine opponent’s conduct is therefore not illegal, but rather unsporting. As such, only one sensible course of action remains – challenge him to a duel, and let whoever draws first blood cast their opponent into the kennels of the Offal Hounds.
As a personal addendum, I would encourage the plaintiff to consider the virtue of forgiveness. Memory can be a fickle thing. One day, you, too, may forget something you should have remembered… or remember something you wish you could forget. Oh, oh, how I wish I could forget-
Bring the next case!
Milord Gormayne,
Please, help me out. As a Beastlord, I enjoy launching attacks from unexpected angles. But after I put my entire army into ambush, my opponent won the first turn – then dropped a gaggle of Pusgoyle Blightlords and Nurglings from reserves, stretched out across my entire battlefield edge, before running the rest of his Drowned Men along the other sides of the board. I can’t find a single free spot to deploy even a single measly herd of Ungors. Surely this isn’t allowed?!
– On the Chopping Block-Out
It giveth this court no pleasure to dash a supplicant’s hopes, but thine opponent is quite correct. If you cannot deploy your beasts, they are considered to be destroyed and forfeit. ‘Tis a precedent established in ancient tournament record, and while you may find the matter frustrating, the New Summercourt legal code accepts its rules in the same style as its finest meats: RAW.
Let this be a lesson not to place all of your eggs in one basket. Instead, you should employ a gaggle of eager peasants to carry your eggs. Thus you will have both eggs, and servants who can hurl those eggs at anyone who offends you with terrible slander, spreading such lies as “Gormayne hasn’t touched his suckling pig, is he feeling unwell”, or “Gormayne spent an hour yesterday just screaming in an empty room, how peculiar”.
Next case!!
Grand Justice Gormayne,
I wanted to give my new Ardboys a personal touch, so I clipped off the speartips of their stikkas and replaced them with choppa blades. Now they’ve got brutal-looking halberds! That’s all good, but now my opponent’s really upset, because stikkas give me a Rend bonus against his charging Kavalos Deathriders. He says he thought they were choppas, because they’ve got choppa blades. I think it’s pretty clear they’re stikkas, because they’re on stikka poles. How do we call it?
– What You Stab Is What You GetForsooth, the artistry behind an army is as important as the strategies with which it is commanded. Who does not understand the joy of crafting a champion or regiment that is uniquely thine own? However, when it comes to more outlandish creations, you must make their true nature clear to your opponent. Why, if your halberds are truly spears, then your noble pegasuses might as well be blood-glutted bats, or your jaunty house guardsmen might be little more than grotesque cannibals!
Ah-hem! In any case, this court has reached a verdict that should satisfy all parties. To avoid future confusion, the entire roster of your army shall be branded upon thine flesh – and rebranded with each Battlescroll update, to maintain accuracy. Your opponent must likewise be reminded not to carelessly rely on his eyes – and so he shall have them gouged out. If only I could do the same…
…What? Nothing. I said nothing. This court is adjourned! Out, all of you! You’re all guilty! Death! The sentence is death!!
Er, thank you, Grand Justice. That was all very helpful and illuminating. We at Warhammer Community continue to encourage players to call a judge rather than arguing over rules themselves, but if he’s wearing a particularly glistening wig… maybe just talk it out?
* Note: This applies only to tournaments taking place entirely within the bounds of New Summercourt, and only when using the Warhammer Community Non-canonical Meta-textual Humour Tournament Pack.
**Otherwise known as ‘sleight of hand’, which is always much harder to do if you’ve had one lopped off by the court.
