Oi! You are a bunch of griping gits, always hollerin’ about “Where’s da doc?” an’ “I lost my arm, boss” or whatnot. Anyone would think you was a load of wimpy grots… but sometimes I ’andle sum really interestin’ cases, and dere’s a few I thought was worth sharin’, speshully wot wiv it being Orktober.
Da Doc is in. Let’s see wot I’ve ’ad to deal with this week.
Dear Doc, every time i think about fightin’ humies I get this really bad tingling ’eadache and sparks zap out me eyes. Honestly doc, it feels like me ’eads gonna explode. Should I ignore it an’ keep fighting?
Well my boy, dat does sound proper weird, if you get my drift. Stop bottling all that up and just let it all out with a big ol’ “Waaagh!” – you’ll ’ave a blast. Get some of the Boyz to join you and it’ll be a right good laugh.
Deere Doc Butcha, me Squigosaur ’as bit me shootin hand off and I’m findin’ it hard to finish my lett–
Don’ worry bout dat you soppy git, just so happens I’ve got a special offer on klaws dis week – two for one – so go find some squig to bite off the other one an’ I’ll sort you right out. Or just, like, jam your shoota into da stump. I ’aint your boss.
Oi, Painboy! I’ve been eatin’ too many sugar squigs an’ me teef have fallen out.
Oooh, a rich boy are we? Got lotsa teef now? I’ve got some iron gobs you can ’ave for your stash, so long as they’s not all manky.
Doc, I’ve got dead sore arms from beatin’ me grots. Should I stop?
You wot? Next you’ll be askin’ if you should hang up your fightin’ boots, I swear to Gork. Wot you’ve got here is a classic case of repeta… repata… doin-stuff-a-lot injury. Try to avoid thumpin’ ya grots so much with da same hand, an’ use ya boots to give ’em a good kickin’ from time to time – you need them big arms to lift a tankhammer, not waste them on runts.
’Elp me, Painboy! I’m strugglin to control the speed of me Snazzwagon, and I’m worried about keepin’ up wiv all da red wunz!.
Not to worry, mate. You’re dead right. No one wants a slow wingman with shonky drivin’ skills. Luckily for you, this is easy to fix an’ a simple procedure. Come into me klinik, and I’ll bolt some lead plates to ya feet so you’ll always be goin at the right speed! Uvvawise, I’ve got a bargain goin’ on some rokkits I recenly nabbed from some post-youmas Wreckaz…
Well den, dat’s just da best wunz off da top of me ’ead. Remember if you have had a serious medical emerjuncy on da battlefied… Walk it off ya daft git! You’z an Ork!
Dat sed, if you’re brave enuff and want to let me test me latest surjicul procedures on ya, well, you can be me guest. I’ve got some right propa tasty ideas on ‘ow ta make da boyz fighting fit, I’ll just need to chop off an arm… or two...
